Probably the Worst (and Best) Dating Story I’ve Ever Told

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I am dedicating this post to one of my good friend’s dating story, which is probably the best dating story I’ve ever told (as Napoleon Dynamite would say).

Dating Horror Stories Hall of Fame

A date with a Hollywood producer

My friend met a producer for a couple of big name TV’s shows one night at a Hollywood club. He invited her back to his house in the Hollywood Hills, and even though she was not interested he harassed her for weeks to come, and she eventually caved.

After she arrived, he stated they were going swimming in his pool. She did not have a bathing suit with her and she told him. “Not a problem”, he tells her as he whips open a huge closet filled with women’s bikinis. She (obviously) refused, and he then suggested they sit outside by the pool to “look at the stars”. This statement was code for “let’s make out”, which she avoided doing only by forcefully pulling away from him.

He then decided to make conversation, which began with the question: “at what age did you start masturbating?” which was promptly followed by a lecture on how most young girls discover how to masturbate in the shower, and the statistics on their age of this discovery. He then told her he was certain her and him were going to have a wonderful sex life together. My friend, disgusted at the thought of him being turned on by young girls masturbating told him she was going to leave.

He begged her stay, telling her he was going to BBQ chicken and asparagus for them. She stayed through dinner, and his topic of conversation was how asparagus makes pee smell bad. And creepily added, “I am looking forward to smelling your pee later”.

His next topic of choice was the existence of God, and when she realized he was adamantly against any belief, she argued with him for the existence of a God. This naturally pissed him off, which was the point, and he got so infuriated he told her if he wasn’t so aroused by her right then he would have kicked her out.

At this point, she had finished dinner and exclaimed that she needed to go, and he begged her to leave. She grabbed her stuff and started to run out when he went in for a makeout session. She pushed him away, ran to her car and drove off. He persisted in texting her for weeks until she finally responded that she was dating someone. He then replied, “fair enough, but you’ll be back”.

Moral of the Story: Don’t ever travel alone into the Hollywood Hills with a producer, director, or anyone in the industry for that matter.

 

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